{"id":2296,"date":"2014-09-05T14:30:05","date_gmt":"2014-09-05T12:30:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.auderset.com\/\/?p=2296"},"modified":"2015-09-04T13:49:15","modified_gmt":"2015-09-04T11:49:15","slug":"la-guerre-des-pucerons-maudits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/la-guerre-des-pucerons-maudits\/","title":{"rendered":"The war of the accursed aphids"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\"rambo<\/address>\n
\u2018Auderset in his combat gear, ready to battle the accursed aphids\u2019<\/span><\/em><\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
The war of the accursed aphids<\/strong><\/address>\n
Armies of aphids have appeared on the little apple trees I\u2019ve planted just in front of my\u00a0studio!\u00a0<\/address>\n
They suck the life blood from the trees \u2013 so it\u2019s goodbye to any fruit! In the end, it\u2019s a\u00a0death sentence for the tree!<\/address>\n
\u00a0Armed with a few half-baked solutions, I sprayed them with a black olive soap spray! I could have sworn I heard them laughing!<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u00a0Thanks for the wash and set, Mr. S. Tupid!<\/address>\n
(it\u2019s a little nickname they\u2019ve given me… ahh, they\u2019re real jokers these aphids!)<\/span> Not only have they multiplied (are aphids some sort of aphrodisiac!?),<\/span><\/address>\n
but they\u2019ve even got onto my house plants!! Arrggh! Is this some sort of curse!?<\/address>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0I escaped into the forest to talk about it with God:<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u00a0Hey God, what do you think about all this!?… you wouldn\u2019t by any chance be trying to tell me something, would you?<\/address>\n
A crystal-clear thought came suddenly to me:<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u00a0These aphids represent criticisms.<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u2009\u00a0?!?…<\/address>\n
The silence in my head was followed by a tidal wave of doubts and interrogations….<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u00a0Forgive me God, I\u2019m sorry. It\u2019s true that I often \u2018notice\u2019 faults in others….<\/address>\n
* To notice: hypocrite\u2019s term for \u2018to criticize\u2019<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
Real-life application<\/strong><\/address>\n
I\u2019m in a meeting with a couple of friends (we\u2019re busy drawing up plans to conquer the world).<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013\u00a0What about you, Alain, what do you think of Billy-Bob?<\/address>\n
(that\u2019s not his real name… I\u2019m not crazy \u2013 the guy\u2019s a pumped-up WWE wrestler who\u2019s escaped from an asylum for the thin-skinned!)<\/span><\/address>\n
Billy-Bob… there are so many criticisms you could level at him, so much to get your teeth into that you could make a four course meal out of it\u2009!<\/address>\n
However, I think back to my conversation in the forest… and I stick to pointing out all his positive character traits.<\/address>\n
(Actually, there are lots of them!!!)<\/span><\/address>\n
At just that instant, I felt a positive, strengthening force pass through me<\/address>\n
(Wow! It could only be my friend the Holy Spirit, giving me a hand)<\/span><\/address>\n
My small audience, which had been looking forward to tucking into a delicious dish of gossip with double cheese (Billy-Bob)<\/span> suddenly found it had lost its appetite, they were left speechless, and then touched.<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
An atmosphere of peace<\/strong><\/address>\n
Sara and Val\u00e9rie (my former secretaries, members of my inner circle)<\/span> blurt out at the same time:<\/address>\n
\u00a0\u2013 \u2018the really nice thing about you is that you always see the best in people\u2019 (it\u2019s not true, but it\u2019s nice to hear)<\/span>.<\/address>\n
And at the same time, they feel good too, because if a target as tempting as Billy-Bob is spared criticism, subconsciously they know that nobody will be talking about\u00a0them\u00a0<\/i>behind their backs either…<\/address>\n
A question:<\/address>\n
Why shouldn\u2019t someone who criticizes another person in front of you do exactly the same to you as soon as you\u2019re out of earshot?<\/address>\n
You\u2019ll be their next victim.<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
Total war<\/strong>
\n<\/em><\/em><\/address>\n
(best read with \u2018the Eye of the Tiger\u2019 on in the background D<\/i><\/span><\/address>\n
http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=PsJK7tlBQOQ&feature=fvwrel<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0<\/em><\/span>)<\/span>
\n<\/em>Tam ! Tatatam! Tata Taaaaa!<\/address>\n
\u00a0There\u2019s a stony stare and a frown upon my face, my teeth are clenched, my determination steely as can be.<\/address>\n
Upon my back there\u2019s a rocket-man style jetpack connected to a death laser<\/address>\n
(well, it\u2019s more like a kind of hand-pumped mister fed by a bit of half-perished rubber pipe, but hey…)<\/span>.<\/address>\n
The war against the aphids went on for some time<\/address>\n
(the war against criticism and fault-finding is still ongoing)<\/span>.<\/address>\n
With the help of some tips from my mother in law (that\u2019s bound to do for\u00a0them…)<\/b><\/span><\/address>\n
I sprayed a rhubarb leaf concoction (I\u2019m fresh out of napalm*)<\/span> and that really burns them up\u200a! (with compliments from Mr. S. Tupid!)<\/span><\/address>\n
\u00a0* (I\u2019d used the last of the incendiaries that had been lying around in the basement)<\/span><\/address>\n
Every three days (don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ve still got time to write comics)<\/span>, I repeat the procedure.<\/address>\n
This time round I use fermented nettle extract. It\u2019s very effective, but\u00a0my word, it really stinks!!<\/address>\n
My spray goes absolutely everywhere, much to the delight of my kids who run away from me, fleeing to the end of the street, imagining that a chemical apocalypse is being unleashed upon the neighborhood.<\/address>\n
I also acquired an ace squadron of ferocious ladybugs that I released on to my beloved trees…<\/address>\n
Despite all my efforts, some aphids cling on…\u00a0the situation seems hopeless! I suddenly understood why \u2013 they have a powerful ally!<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
Ants
\n<\/strong><\/address>\n
Did you know that ants raise aphids in order to \u2018milk\u2019 them to harvest honeydew, just like we milk cattle.<\/address>\n
They are formidable fighters and defend their flock to the death<\/address>\n
(they squirt formic acid, they bite, stab, scratch \u2013 they\u2019ll even pull your hair).<\/span><\/address>\n
To beat aphids, you first have to beat the ants\u2019 system.<\/address>\n
To fight against the temptation to find fault, you first have to beat your own way of thinking.<\/address>\n
I\u2019ve found a whole ant-hill I didn\u2019t know was there, much too close for comfort, that I\u2019m helping to clear out.<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
Victory
\n<\/strong><\/address>\n
It\u2019s true that I\u2019ve no apples this year, but at least my apple trees are still alive, and most of all, all the aphids are gone!<\/address>\n
… Unless it\u2019s just because we\u2019re in winter right now (gulp!)<\/span>.<\/address>\n
P.S: Billy-Bob, after having been unemployed for years, has just found himself a casual job.<\/address>\n
I have the strangest feeling that having \u2018blessed\u2019 (spoken well of)<\/span> him has something to do with it…<\/address>\n
Who knows… (?)<\/span><\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n
\u00a0<\/address>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Auderset in his combat gear, ready to battle the accursed aphids\u2019 \u00a0 \u00a0 The war of the accursed aphids Armies of aphids have appeared on the little apple trees I\u2019ve planted just in front of my\u00a0studio!\u00a0 They suck the life … More…<\/a> More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2296"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2296\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9754,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2296\/revisions\/9754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.auderset.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}