Author Archives: admin

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  string(1315) "[:fr]Dessin tiré de la BD "Idées Reçues 1"

Pour acheter cette BD cliquez ICI[:de]Zeichnung des Comics Ach du lieber Himmel

Für weitere Informationen, hier klicken

Für Einkäufe, hier klicken[:en][:]"
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Discharge your worries

Posted on 27 July 2015 by admin

More…

Posted in Month draw | Comments Off

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  string(6262) "The house


The messenger
“One day this house will be yours!”
These are the words of Luc, my pastor friend, as he points out the strange building in front of me.
“Come on, Luc… think about it! I am far too poor to buy it! With my family, we are living below subsistence level, quite honestly, how can you dream up something like that?”
He doesn’t say anything but has this annoying little smile which people have who know something that you don’t know…

The discreet return
The years have gone by and today, acting as if nothing was up, Luc announces to me:
“There you are! ‘The’ house is for sale!”
That same smile that twists his mouth prevents him from continuing his remarks. But, as they can’t stop themselves, they escape through his eyes and say to me: “Well then? Are you going to buy it?”
“Grrroooaaan, Luc! You know as well as I do, my financial situation hasn’t changed, and I…

“Eh? What are you talking about?… I didn’t say anything…”
He has this look of indifference that the guilty have when they want to pass themselves off as innocent by whistling a banal tune.

(Why is it that I don’t manage to have any normal friends!?)

The absent-minded detour
The following morning, as is my habit, I plan to go into the forest, but this twisty path has a mind of its own and because of it I find myself face to face with the building in question.
Now it is my thoughts which, unbeknown to me, are embroidering a whole web of fantasies:
“Hmmm…it is true that it would be ideal, my workshop downstairs, my family right above… cool…”

SLAM! Reality, which – as everyone knows – nurtures only aversion for embroidery, slaps me with its implacable logic and brings me out of my daydreams:
‘You’re broke! OK?!”
The following day, same again, the path, taking advantage of my inattention (I often have my head in the clouds), deposits me right at the same spot (oh, very clever!)
“OK, Lord, let’s get things straight; in this world, things don’t work like that, you need money to get a building… do you understand?”
I sense then that He has the same smile of connivance as Luc… (those two are hiding something from me…)

I am not deluding myself; Luc, the path, Jesus are going to use their complicity so that every day I (and my vigilante/distributor of slaps, ‘reality’) come back to the same starting point. So let’s look at the problem head-on…

The banker
How do you go about buying a house?
(Er…? Instinctively I slide in the direction of the bank…) The local media often talk about me, so much so that the banker recognises me straightaway. From the tone of his voice I have the impression that he is convinced that I must have come by limousine and that my chauffeur is waiting for me outside; I blurt out to him:
“Morning! I would like to buy a house; would you lend me the money?”
He enthusiastically hands me a form:
“Of course, Mr. Auderset! Kindly note down your monthly salary on this document (a simple formality).”
“My monthly salary? Er… it depends on the months (the life of an artist, you know…) my oh my. I don’t understand anything about accounts…
Fortunately I have a wizard friend who helps me fill in the form (well… wizard, accountant; they are one and the same thing!).

The true banker
The figures which the banker discovers have wiped off his welcoming smile, which up till then had resembled in every respect the one that appears in the company’s advertising.
“Er… Terribly sorry, Sir, I’m afraid it won’t be possible! For us to lend you money, you have to already have some yourself.”
Blimey! I do not understand at all the logic of this bunch of cronies! Their ties must be tied so tightly that they prevent the blood from getting to the brain… (?!)

Sheepish, facing the house, I explain to God two or three things that he must not have understood properly about the workings of administration in our lowly world, before moving away from it into the forest with him.
A few days later, I receive a strange visit from an elderly couple who explain to me that they had been planning to invest in the stock market (a grown-up thing), but that, after thinking it over, they had felt it would be wiser to invest in the Kingdom of God. It just so happens that a chance conversation with one of my friends led them to me… In short, they have lent me 100,000 Swiss Francs

(approx. 125,000 Euros), telling me:
“You have 40 years to pay it back.”
I go back to the bank but this time I don’t go to the counter first, I go straight to knock on the manager’s door (after all, when I pray that’s what I do too, I speak to God directly and not via an intermediary!).
And he agrees to lend me the remainder.

Nowadays I live in this house with my little family. Creativity and lots of fun overflow from every part of it. Digging in the cellar, I discovered a notice ‘evangelical church’. The people who laid the first stones of this building (in the 1800s) planned to make it into a church, a place of worship and human warmth. All the owners that there have been, since its foundation, have each time been servants of God…
I have kept the interior as it was, transforming the pulpit (the thing for preaching) into a drawing table and the large windows into a sprinkler of light. The exotic plants, just like the drawings, have taken over all the walls.

Praise be to the King of kings, the Banker of bankers, his paths are amazing for his most simple servants who allow themselves to be led by Him. He has compassion on them and blesses them in his time.
In the same time (no connection, but anyway…):

Willy Grunch (my comic book character) wins first prize for Christian comic books at Angoulême !!!
A prophet (who is passing through) tells me:  “Go, I will send you far away to the nations…”  And Boom! In the days that follow,
I am invited for the first time to speak in Spain and in the USA!

Alain Auderset"
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  string(12799) "[:fr]La maison

Le messager
– Un jour cette maison sera tienne !
Telles sont les paroles de Luc, mon ami pasteur, en me désignant l’étrange bâtiment devant moi.
– Mais voyons, Luc... réfléchis ! Je suis beaucoup trop pauvre pour me l’acheter ! Avec ma famille, nous vivons en dessous du minimum vital, franchement, comment peux-tu imaginer un truc pareil ?
Il ne dit rien, mais il a ce petit sourire agaçant qu’ont ceux qui savent quelque chose que tu ignores...

Le retour discret
Les années ont passé et aujourd’hui, l’air de rien, Luc m’annonce :
– Ca y est ! « La » maison est à vendre !
Ce même sourire qui lui tord la bouche obstrue ainsi la suite de sa réflexion. Mais celle-ci, étant plus forte que lui, s’échappe par son regard et me dit :
– Alors ? Tu vas l’acheter ?
– Rââââ Luc ! Tu le sais comme moi, ma situation financière n’a pas changé, et je...

– Hein ? De quoi parles-tu ?... Je n’ai rien dit, moi... !
Il a cet air détaché qu’ont les coupables qui veulent passer pour innocents en sifflotant un air banal. (Pourquoi je n’arrive pas à avoir des amis normaux, moi !?)

Le détour distrait
Le lendemain matin, comme à mon habitude, je planifie d’aller en forêt, mais ce tordu de chemin n’en fait qu’à sa tête et à cause de lui je suis nez à nez avec le bâtiment en question.
Maintenant ce sont mes pensées qui, à mon insu, brodent tout un tricot de fantasmes :
– Mmmm... c’est vrai que ça serait idéal, mon atelier en bas, ma famille juste au-dessus... Cool...

PAF ! La réalité qui – comme chacun sait – ne nourrit qu’aversion pour la broderie me gifle de sa logique implacable et me sort de mes rêveries :
– Tu n’as pas un rond ! Okay ?!
Le lendemain, rebelote, le chemin, profitant de mon absence (je suis souvent dans la lune), me dépose pile-poil au même endroit (ah c malin !).
– Bon, Seigneur, mettons les choses au clair ; dans ce monde-ci, ça ne marche pas comme ça, il faut de l’argent pour acquérir un bâtiment... tu comprends ?
Je devine alors qu’Il a le même sourire de connivence que Luc... (ces deux-là me cachent quelque chose...)

Je ne me fais pas d’illusion ; Luc, le chemin, Jésus vont user de complicité pour que chaque jour, moi (et mon justicier distributeur de baffes « réalité ») nous nous retrouvions sur ce même point de départ. Alors affrontons le problème...

Le banquier
Comment kon fait pour acheter une maison ?
(beuh... ? Instinctivement, je glisse en direction de la banque...) Les médias locaux parlent souvent de moi, si bien que le banquier me reconnaît tout de suite. Au ton de sa voix j’ai l’impression qu’il est convaincu que j’ai dû venir en limousine et que mon chauffeur m’attend dehors ; je lui lance :
– Bonjour, j’aimerais acheter une maison ; vous me prêteriez l’argent ?
Il me tend une feuille avec entrain :
– Mais certainement, Monsieur Auderset ! Veuillez indiquer votre salaire mensuel sur ce document (simple formalité).
– Mon salaire mensuel ? Beuh... ça dépend des mois (la vie d’artiste quoi) ah là là là là ! J’y comprends rien en comptabilité, moi...
Heureusement, j’ai un pote sorcier qui m’aide à remplir la feuille (bah... sorcier, comptable ; c du pareil au même !).

Le vrai banquier
Les chiffres que découvre le banquier ont effacé son sourire bienveillant jusque-là en tous points semblable à celui de la publicité de l’entreprise.
– Heu... ça ne va pas être possible  ! Pour qu’on vous prête de l’argent, il faut que vous en ayez déjà.
Purée ! Je n’y comprends rien à leur logique à cette clique ! Leur cravate trop serrée doit empêcher le sang de monter au cerveau... (?!)

Penaud, face à la maison, j’explique à Dieu deux-trois trucs qu’il n’a pas dû bien comprendre sur le fonctionnement de l’administration de notre bas monde avant de m’en éloigner avec lui dans la forêt.
Quelques jours plus tard, je reçois l’étrange visite d’un couple âgé qui m’explique qu’ils avaient en projet d’investir dans la Bourse (un truc d’adulte), mais qu’après avoir réfléchi, ils ont trouvé plus judicieux d’investir dans le Royaume de Dieu. Il se trouve que le hasard d’une discussion avec l’un de mes amis les a conduits vers moi... Bref, ils m’ont prêté CHF 100000.- (soit quelques 125 000 euros) en me disant :
– Tu as 40 ans pour nous les rendre.

Je retourne à la banque mais cette fois je ne passe pas par le guichet, je vais directement frapper à la porte du directeur (finalement, quand je prie c’est aussi ce que je fais, je m’adresse directement à Dieu et pas à un intermédiaire  !).
Et il me dit oui pour me prêter le reste.

J’habite aujourd’hui cette maison avec ma petite famille. De la créativité et de la bonne humeur en débordent de partout. En creusant dans la cave, j’ai découvert un panneau « église évangélique ». Ceux qui posèrent les premières pierres de ce bâtiment (dans les année 1800) avaient le projet d’en faire une église, un lieu de culte et de chaleur humaine. Tous les propriétaires qu’il y a eu depuis sa fondation ont chaque fois été des serviteurs de Dieu...
J’ai conservé l’intérieur tel quel, transformant la chaire (le truc à prêcher) en table à dessin et les grandes fenêtres en arrosoir de lumière. Les plantes exotiques tout comme les dessins ont envahi tous les murs.

Loué soit le Roi des rois, le Banquier des banquiers; ses sentiers sont étonnants pour ses serviteurs les plus simples qui se laissent diriger par lui, Il a compassion d’eux et les bénit en son temps.
Dans ces mêmes temps (rien à voir, mais bon...) :

Willy Grunch (mon personnage de BD) gagne le premier prix de la BD chrétienne d'Angoulême!!!
Un prophète (qui passe par là) m'annonce
- Va, je t'enverrai au loin vers les nations... Et Boum ! Les jours qui suivent je suis invité pour la première fois à parler en Espagne et aux États-Unis !

Alain Auderset

Extrait du livre ''Rendez-vous dans la forêt"

www.auderset.com/store[:en]The house


The messenger
“One day this house will be yours!”
These are the words of Luc, my pastor friend, as he points out the strange building in front of me.
“Come on, Luc… think about it! I am far too poor to buy it! With my family, we are living below subsistence level, quite honestly, how can you dream up something like that?”
He doesn’t say anything but has this annoying little smile which people have who know something that you don’t know…

The discreet return
The years have gone by and today, acting as if nothing was up, Luc announces to me:
“There you are! ‘The’ house is for sale!”
That same smile that twists his mouth prevents him from continuing his remarks. But, as they can’t stop themselves, they escape through his eyes and say to me: “Well then? Are you going to buy it?”
“Grrroooaaan, Luc! You know as well as I do, my financial situation hasn’t changed, and I…

“Eh? What are you talking about?… I didn’t say anything…”
He has this look of indifference that the guilty have when they want to pass themselves off as innocent by whistling a banal tune.

(Why is it that I don’t manage to have any normal friends!?)

The absent-minded detour
The following morning, as is my habit, I plan to go into the forest, but this twisty path has a mind of its own and because of it I find myself face to face with the building in question.
Now it is my thoughts which, unbeknown to me, are embroidering a whole web of fantasies:
“Hmmm…it is true that it would be ideal, my workshop downstairs, my family right above… cool…”

SLAM! Reality, which – as everyone knows – nurtures only aversion for embroidery, slaps me with its implacable logic and brings me out of my daydreams:
‘You’re broke! OK?!”
The following day, same again, the path, taking advantage of my inattention (I often have my head in the clouds), deposits me right at the same spot (oh, very clever!)
“OK, Lord, let’s get things straight; in this world, things don’t work like that, you need money to get a building… do you understand?”
I sense then that He has the same smile of connivance as Luc… (those two are hiding something from me…)

I am not deluding myself; Luc, the path, Jesus are going to use their complicity so that every day I (and my vigilante/distributor of slaps, ‘reality’) come back to the same starting point. So let’s look at the problem head-on…

The banker
How do you go about buying a house?
(Er…? Instinctively I slide in the direction of the bank…) The local media often talk about me, so much so that the banker recognises me straightaway. From the tone of his voice I have the impression that he is convinced that I must have come by limousine and that my chauffeur is waiting for me outside; I blurt out to him:
“Morning! I would like to buy a house; would you lend me the money?”
He enthusiastically hands me a form:
“Of course, Mr. Auderset! Kindly note down your monthly salary on this document (a simple formality).”
“My monthly salary? Er… it depends on the months (the life of an artist, you know…) my oh my. I don’t understand anything about accounts…
Fortunately I have a wizard friend who helps me fill in the form (well… wizard, accountant; they are one and the same thing!).

The true banker
The figures which the banker discovers have wiped off his welcoming smile, which up till then had resembled in every respect the one that appears in the company’s advertising.
“Er… Terribly sorry, Sir, I’m afraid it won’t be possible! For us to lend you money, you have to already have some yourself.”
Blimey! I do not understand at all the logic of this bunch of cronies! Their ties must be tied so tightly that they prevent the blood from getting to the brain… (?!)

Sheepish, facing the house, I explain to God two or three things that he must not have understood properly about the workings of administration in our lowly world, before moving away from it into the forest with him.
A few days later, I receive a strange visit from an elderly couple who explain to me that they had been planning to invest in the stock market (a grown-up thing), but that, after thinking it over, they had felt it would be wiser to invest in the Kingdom of God. It just so happens that a chance conversation with one of my friends led them to me… In short, they have lent me 100,000 Swiss Francs

(approx. 125,000 Euros), telling me:
“You have 40 years to pay it back.”
I go back to the bank but this time I don’t go to the counter first, I go straight to knock on the manager’s door (after all, when I pray that’s what I do too, I speak to God directly and not via an intermediary!).
And he agrees to lend me the remainder.

Nowadays I live in this house with my little family. Creativity and lots of fun overflow from every part of it. Digging in the cellar, I discovered a notice ‘evangelical church’. The people who laid the first stones of this building (in the 1800s) planned to make it into a church, a place of worship and human warmth. All the owners that there have been, since its foundation, have each time been servants of God…
I have kept the interior as it was, transforming the pulpit (the thing for preaching) into a drawing table and the large windows into a sprinkler of light. The exotic plants, just like the drawings, have taken over all the walls.

Praise be to the King of kings, the Banker of bankers, his paths are amazing for his most simple servants who allow themselves to be led by Him. He has compassion on them and blesses them in his time.
In the same time (no connection, but anyway…):

Willy Grunch (my comic book character) wins first prize for Christian comic books at Angoulême !!!
A prophet (who is passing through) tells me:  “Go, I will send you far away to the nations…”  And Boom! In the days that follow,
I am invited for the first time to speak in Spain and in the USA!

Alain Auderset[:]"
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The house The messenger “One day this house will be yours!” These are the words of Luc, my pastor friend, as he points out the strange building in front of me. “Come on, Luc… think about it! I am far … More… More…

Posted in Blog | Comments Off

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The vision of the way

Posted on 20 December 2014 by admin

More…

Posted in Month draw | Comments Off

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  string(574) "Dessin de la couverture de la nouvelle BD Marcel 3



Pour plus d'info, voir ici

Pour acheter, voir ici

Pour voir des articles de presse qui en parle, voir ici"
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Dessin de la couverture de la nouvelle BD Marcel 3

Pour plus d'info, voir ici

Pour acheter, voir ici

Pour voir des articles de presse qui en parlent, voir ici[:de] 



Zeichnung der Titelseite des neuen Comics Marcel 3

Für weitere Informationen, hier klicken

Für Einkäufe, hier klicken

Um Zeitungsartikel zu sehen, die davon berichten, hier klicken

 [:en]Dessin de la couverture de la nouvelle BD Marcel 3



Pour plus d'info, voir ici

Pour acheter, voir ici

Pour voir des articles de presse qui en parle, voir ici[:]"
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  string(45) "[:fr]La love-machine[:de]Die Love-maschine[:]"
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(FR) La love-machine

Posted on 18 November 2014 by admin

Dessin de la couverture de la nouvelle BD Marcel 3 Pour plus d’info, voir ici Pour acheter, voir ici Pour voir des articles de presse qui en parle, voir ici More…

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‘Auderset in his combat gear, ready to battle the accursed aphids’

The war of the accursed aphids

Armies of aphids have appeared on the little apple trees I’ve planted just in front of my studio!

They suck the life blood from the trees – so it’s goodbye to any fruit! In the end, it’s a death sentence for the tree!

Armed with a few half-baked solutions, I sprayed them with a black olive soap spray! I could have sworn I heard them laughing!

– Thanks for the wash and set, Mr. S. Tupid!

(it’s a little nickname they’ve given me... ahh, they’re real jokers these aphids!) Not only have they multiplied (are aphids some sort of aphrodisiac!?),

but they’ve even got onto my house plants!! Arrggh! Is this some sort of curse!?

I escaped into the forest to talk about it with God:

– Hey God, what do you think about all this!?... you wouldn’t by any chance be trying to tell me something, would you?

A crystal-clear thought came suddenly to me:

– These aphids represent criticisms.

– ?!?...

The silence in my head was followed by a tidal wave of doubts and interrogations....

– Forgive me God, I’m sorry. It’s true that I often ‘notice’ faults in others....

* To notice: hypocrite’s term for ‘to criticize’

Real-life application

I’m in a meeting with a couple of friends (we’re busy drawing up plans to conquer the world).

– What about you, Alain, what do you think of Billy-Bob?

(that’s not his real name... I’m not crazy – the guy’s a pumped-up WWE wrestler who’s escaped from an asylum for the thin-skinned!)

Billy-Bob... there are so many criticisms you could level at him, so much to get your teeth into that you could make a four course meal out of it !

However, I think back to my conversation in the forest... and I stick to pointing out all his positive character traits.

(Actually, there are lots of them!!!)

At just that instant, I felt a positive, strengthening force pass through me

(Wow! It could only be my friend the Holy Spirit, giving me a hand)

My small audience, which had been looking forward to tucking into a delicious dish of gossip with double cheese (Billy-Bob) suddenly found it had lost its appetite, they were left speechless, and then touched.

An atmosphere of peace

Sara and Valérie (my former secretaries, members of my inner circle) blurt out at the same time:

– ‘the really nice thing about you is that you always see the best in people’ (it’s not true, but it’s nice to hear).

And at the same time, they feel good too, because if a target as tempting as Billy-Bob is spared criticism, subconsciously they know that nobody will be talking about them behind their backs either...

A question:

Why shouldn’t someone who criticizes another person in front of you do exactly the same to you as soon as you’re out of earshot?

You’ll be their next victim.

Total war

(best read with ‘the Eye of the Tiger’ on in the background D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsJK7tlBQOQ&feature=fvwrel ) Tam ! Tatatam! Tata Taaaaa!

There’s a stony stare and a frown upon my face, my teeth are clenched, my determination steely as can be.

Upon my back there’s a rocket-man style jetpack connected to a death laser

(well, it’s more like a kind of hand-pumped mister fed by a bit of half-perished rubber pipe, but hey...).

The war against the aphids went on for some time

(the war against criticism and fault-finding is still ongoing).

With the help of some tips from my mother in law (that’s bound to do for them...)

I sprayed a rhubarb leaf concoction (I’m fresh out of napalm*) and that really burns them up ! (with compliments from Mr. S. Tupid!)

* (I’d used the last of the incendiaries that had been lying around in the basement)

Every three days (don’t worry, I’ve still got time to write comics), I repeat the procedure.

This time round I use fermented nettle extract. It’s very effective, but my word, it really stinks!!

My spray goes absolutely everywhere, much to the delight of my kids who run away from me, fleeing to the end of the street, imagining that a chemical apocalypse is being unleashed upon the neighborhood.

I also acquired an ace squadron of ferocious ladybugs that I released on to my beloved trees...

Despite all my efforts, some aphids cling on... the situation seems hopeless! I suddenly understood why – they have a powerful ally!

Ants

Did you know that ants raise aphids in order to ‘milk’ them to harvest honeydew, just like we milk cattle.

They are formidable fighters and defend their flock to the death

(they squirt formic acid, they bite, stab, scratch – they’ll even pull your hair).

To beat aphids, you first have to beat the ants’ system.

To fight against the temptation to find fault, you first have to beat your own way of thinking.

I’ve found a whole ant-hill I didn’t know was there, much too close for comfort, that I’m helping to clear out.

Victory

It’s true that I’ve no apples this year, but at least my apple trees are still alive, and most of all, all the aphids are gone!

... Unless it’s just because we’re in winter right now (gulp!).

P.S: Billy-Bob, after having been unemployed for years, has just found himself a casual job.

I have the strangest feeling that having ‘blessed’ (spoken well of) him has something to do with it...

Who knows... (?)

" ["post_title"]=> string(30) "The war of the accursed aphids" ["post_excerpt"]=> string(0) "" ["post_status"]=> string(7) "publish" ["comment_status"]=> string(6) "closed" ["ping_status"]=> string(6) "closed" ["post_password"]=> string(0) "" ["post_name"]=> string(30) "la-guerre-des-pucerons-maudits" ["to_ping"]=> string(0) "" ["pinged"]=> string(0) "" ["post_modified"]=> string(19) "2015-09-04 13:49:15" ["post_modified_gmt"]=> string(19) "2015-09-04 11:49:15" ["post_content_filtered"]=> string(0) "" ["post_parent"]=> int(0) ["guid"]=> string(32) "http://www.auderset.com//?p=2296" ["menu_order"]=> int(0) ["post_type"]=> string(4) "post" ["post_mime_type"]=> string(0) "" ["comment_count"]=> string(1) "0" ["filter"]=> string(3) "raw" ["post_content_ml"]=> string(14339) "[:fr]Des armées de pucerons sont apparues sur mes petits pommiers plantés devant l'atelier de BD ! Ils sucent l'énergie de l'arbre, et donc, plus de fruits! Et au final : la mort ! Armé de recettes à deux balles, je les spraye avec du savon noir ! Dingue, j'ai l'impression de les entendre rigoler! - " Merci pour le shampoing Dukon" (C un petit surnom qu'ils m'ont donné... Ah c'est taquin le puceron!) Non seulement ils se sont multipliés (c aphrodisiaque ou quoi !?), mais j'en ai même eu dans les plantes d'intérieur !! Argl! Mais qu'est qu...? C'est une malédiction ou coa! Je m'enfuis dans la forêt pour en parler à Dieu: -"Hey Seigneur t'as vu ça!? Hum... par hasard, Tu ne chercherais pas à me dire quelque chose... ?" Une pensée d'une netteté limpide me tombe dessus : -"Ces pucerons, ce sont les critiques" -"?!?..." Le silence dans ma tête fut suivi d'un tsunami de remises en question.... - " Oh pardon Seigneur, je suis désolé, c'est vrai je l'ai "constaté" (*1) beaucoup chez les autres.... Mise en pratique: Je suis en comité avec des amis (on élabore des stratégies pour la conquête du monde). - "Et toi Alain, que penses-tu de Jeanri?" (Ce n'est pas son vrai nom, j'suis pas fou, c'est un catcheur enragé échappé d'un asile de susceptibles !) Jeanri... Il y a tant de choses croustillantes à critiquer sur lui, que c'en est une friandise! Mais je repense à ma conversation dans la forêt... Et me contente de relever ses cotés positifs. (Hey... ? Il y en a plein en fait !!!) À ce moment précis, je sens en moi une force bienfaisante me traverser (?! Waow! sûrement un coup de mon Ami St-Esprit). Mon petit public qui d'avance, se régalant du dessert à ragot gratiné qu'était Jeanri, s'en trouva coupé dans son élan, interdit... puis touché. Climat de paix Sara et Valérie (mes précédentes secrétaires qui font toujours partie de mon comité) me lancent spontanément: -"Ce qui est super avec toi, c'est que tu vois toujours le bon côté des gens" (Ce n'est pas vrai, mais ça fait plaisir) Et l'espace d'un instant, elles aussi se sont senties bien, car si une tentation telle que Jeanri est épargnée, inconsciemment, elles savent que dans leurs dos, ici on ne dira pas du mal d'elles non plus. Question: Pourquoi une personne qui critique quelqu'un devant vous, vous épargnerais une fois le dos tourné? Vous êtes sa prochaine victime. La guerre totale (À lire avec la Musique de Rocky 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsJK7tlBQOQ&feature=fvwrel ) Tam ! Tatatam! Tata Taaaaa! J'ai le regard fixe et plissé, les dents aussi serrées que ma détermination. Dans mon dos : le jet-pack de rocket-man, relié au gun de la mort. (Bon...en fait, c'est juste une sorte d'arrosoir de mes2 à pomper à la main reliée par un tuyau caoutchouc pourri, mais bon) La guerre avec les pucerons dura longtemps, (celle contre les critiques n'est toujours pas finie). Armé des conseils de ma belle mère (ça ne peut que les tuer...) Je spraye des décoctions de feuilles de rhubarbe (je n'ai plus de napalm*2) ça les brûle grave ! (Avec le bonjour de Dukon!) Tous les 3 jours, (je vous rassure je fais toujours de la BD) je remets une dose, cette fois avec du fumier d'ortie, efficace mais au secours, qu'est-ce que ça pue!! Mon spray fuit de partout, pour la plus grande joie de mes gamins qui me fuyaient au bout de la rue prétextant une catastrophe chimique apocalyptique. Je me procurai aussi un commando de raid aérien de coccinelles voraces que je lâchai sur mes arbres bien-aimés... Malgré tous mes efforts, il en reste toujours, rien à faire! Tout à coup, j'ai compris, elles ont un puissant complice : Les fourmis Le saviez-vous? Elles élèvent les pucerons qu'elles traient pour récolter leur miellat (comme nous le lait des vaches). Elles défendent leur troupeau en guerrières redoutables (jet d'acide, morsure, arme blanche, griffure et elles tirent les cheveux). Pour vaincre les pucerons, il faut d'abord combattre l'organisation des fourmis. Pour combattre les critiques il faut d'abord vaincre son système de pensée. J'ai en effet découvert une fourmilière cachée à proximité, que j'ai déménagé. Victoire Je n'ai eu aucune pomme ok, mais au moins mes arbres sont en vie, et surtout plus aucun puceron! ... À moins que ce soit parce que c'est l'hiver (Gloups!) PS: Jeanri, après des années de chômage a trouvé un petit travail. J'ai l'impression que le fait de le «bénir» (dire du bien de) y est pour quelque chose... * 1 (Constater: mot fauxQ pour "critiquer") * 2 (j'avais usé tout le stock des bombes incendiaires qui traînaient dans ma cave)

Auderset paré pour combattre les pucerons maudits

[:en]